I am the Company I keep; Solo Travel and Existence as personal therapy.

Watercolor by Kristin

Walking into my simple yet vibrant retro hotel I was filled with a mix of calm and exciting anticipation. As I approached the desk and was met with a sweet and kind smile from the friendly young woman who directed me to my room and handed me my keys, real metal keys on a ring, mind you, I just knew I was in the right place in time for me now. I headed out the doors and up to the open stairwell to clumsily drag my bags and items up to my unknown room. 

Please trust me when I say that my usual expectation was dashed with this reservation as I only choose the best possible aesthetics, with the best possible reviews, however, being a bit late to the booking game, on this particular occasion. In fact, I had waited until the evening before, therefore, I felt that I was a chooser of adventure over sure, guaranteed comfort. 

Approaching the balcony I was met with the view of the river, glorious and gliding boats passing amid the calm waters, the crank of the Saugatuck chain ferry slowly moving across, and a lively crowd at the two-story open restaurant that I was literally feet from. It appeared as though I’d arrived adjacent yet at a party of lunch goers already shining in their day and lively to connect and be a part of the energy. I noticed as I paused I hoped to be seen and to meld into the happenings. Moving down the hall and entering my room I was met with my own exhale. Needless to say that deep exhale was why I was there and the goal of the time spent engaging in the personal weekend away. 

Upon entering my cool and retro space I meandered through arranging my clothing and exploring the room while also choosing my path and appropriate vibe for walking and the warm weather surrounding everything but the deepest part of the water, near enough, yet untouchable by my body. Walking shoes on and clothes fit for shopping, perusing, and pondering art and goods were acquired and I went to experience what was to be. 

Walking around Saugatuck, Michigan on a mid afternoon Saturday did not disappoint. I had the pleasure to talk of sailing in Boston with a visitor, (clearly no sailing was done by me. I had merely just been there and in awe of that great history and landscape). There was appreciation and reverence for a handmade piece of jewelry with the man who designed it and allowed me to try, though we both clearly knew I would not be making that purchase. I was met with curiosity, smiles, wonderful stories, and connections. I remarked in reflection that I actually felt far less alone than oftentimes when with someone. I surmise this is due to the opportunity and energy that I brought to every door which I walked through and the person I engaged or who engaged me. 

That evening, after cleaning up and changing, I went for a simple bite to eat, sunset walk, and returned to my pool/ river-side community where I was staying. There I joined a group of women who were visiting and the two groups of friends were staying in the same place at the same time, without having shared, so they were celebrating that synchronicity. They were laughing profusely through graveled voices that echoed back time and nicotine, combined in raucous appreciation and belly laughter of the joy of being near one another. To clarify, when I say, by joining, I truly mean there was an empty seat and I announced that I would be joining them in it and invited myself. 

As the evening progressed I ended up being, as usual, one of the last to leave and talking to a wonderful woman who informed me that life is hard and that I was doing enough and maybe even more than enough right now. Perhaps.  She then offered the encouragement and unsolicited love and understanding that I was possibly seeking. If I hadn’t already felt deep happiness and excitement for the gift I was giving myself in solace, I was certainly rewarded and further validated in that interaction alone. 

You may be wondering, and let me explain that I was seeking solace from a conflict in my nuclear family with my dear sweet son, whom I had hurt, unknowingly, by being so wrapped up in my own grief, that I didn’t notice his hurt in that, and how big and important it was. I also had just hosted my brother and his family, whom I adore and missed greatly.  And, regarding, a particular toxic relationship, which had relatively recently ended for the last of an embarrassingly high number of times, and quite frankly is a pattern that has been set on repeat. 

The next and final full day was a beautiful day which included a new goal of how to spend my time, met with the same openness for the day to unfold. I walked through Saugatuck’s village, iced coffee in hand and had a hope and positivity to explore art on a trek to nearby Douglas. Learning to paint and experience a new medium has brought hope and relief, beauty,and pride into my life lately. The area did not disappoint. I had the distinct privilege to discuss and share and have some engaging and moving conversations surrounding the absolutely remarkable creations and expressions of many artists that quite frankly stunned with their bravery and skill. 

Upon sleep and headed to the office mid day, the last morning, iced latte in hand again, I went to a remote yet also close beach on Lake Michigan, collected a few rocks, and if you’ve ever been in my office understand this is a thing I do, looked out at the beauty, felt connected to nature and slowly absorbed all that this is as it was and was for me. In these two quick and valuable days I experienced calm, excitement, beautiful and warm people, and found a safety in myself that I believe I’d forgotten was there. I was moved to tears of pure appreciation for the beauty given, created, and naturally occuring, and what a gift to be amongst and within the world today. 

I never once wondered about what other people would think of me. It was of little to no concern what I was received as or who I was to other’s. Rather I brought an intentional outpouring of joy and connection. This is turn brought forth interaction in a beautiful accumulation of human caring, humor, and welcomed warmth. 

Do remember that one does not have to journey far across nations or even state lines, but that an open welcoming spirit of joy and camaraderie will serve us all well and that we are our own best company when not in the immediate vicinity of a chosen companion. So go see the movie, with someone or alone, go to the game, get dinner, walk through the world. And to maybe test the waters and play with being the safest and most loving joyful person for yourself. For now and always. 

~ Kristin